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One step farward two steps back... - Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Mark Rimmell

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One step farward two steps back... [Feb. 17th, 2009|04:02 pm]
Mark Rimmell
[mood |amusedamused]

OK I give up I'm calling in medical expertise. I though I was getting better and the walk back from the bank this afternoon nearly did me in.

In other news...

Here's another reason the High Street is doomed... I tried to get some cross dowels from the big hardware shop this afternoon. I ask and get the usual blank-look and parrot style repetition. This is a cut down version of what I remember of the conversation.

Me "Hi, do have you any cross dowels?"

Shop Guy "Cross dowels?"

His blank look persuades me to provide more info, even though I have already realised it's pointless to continue the conversation.

Me "Yes, metal threaded barrels that go on the end of bolts."

Shop Guy "I've never heard of such a thing."

Me "You may know them as barrel nuts?"

Shop Guy "Barrel nuts?"

I stifle a laugh, cunningly disguising it as a cough.

Shop Guy "What are they for?"

Me "Beds mostly. Some people call them bed bolts."

Shop Guy "For headboards?"

Me "No, they are used in all sorts of furniture to pull joints together."

I think to myself 'Oh Dear Lord! Do I have to draw a picture?'... It seems I do have to draw a picture. shop guy looks at it and says... "Looks like a specialist bit of kit to me".

I know I've said this before, but I really must try and record some of these conversations.

Why do I even bother? I get home, do a search on ebay and find dozens.

[User Picture]From: demonmoonglow
2009-02-17 02:19 pm (UTC)
Jesus haven't we all done that!
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[User Picture]From: markrimmell
2009-02-17 02:51 pm (UTC)
Yeah, time and time again. It's got to the point I only resort to the high street if I need something that day and then only if it's not too esoteric. But guessing what items will stump them is getting more and more difficult.

Recently it was a PH000 screwdriver! Once again NO IDEA what I was talking about.
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[User Picture]From: woodlandguy
2009-02-17 02:40 pm (UTC)
I wonder if the shop dood will take his bed apart tonight.
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[User Picture]From: markrimmell
2009-02-17 02:44 pm (UTC)
That would probably involve the use of a screwdriver and I'm betting he doesn't know what that is either.
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[User Picture]From: woodlandguy
2009-02-17 02:47 pm (UTC)

hey, turn your phone up, I been trying to call you. Expect a call shortly.
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[User Picture]From: markrimmell
2009-02-17 02:58 pm (UTC)
OK It's on.
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[User Picture]From: glamgothruthy
2009-02-17 05:43 pm (UTC)
for god sake don't go asking for fork handles!!!

i'm still free for coffee sometime - though getting more and more busy...
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[User Picture]From: markrimmell
2009-02-17 11:50 pm (UTC)
Yes would love to meet for coffee...

Hopefully I'll be better soon.
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[User Picture]From: pinkwitch2000
2009-02-18 11:00 am (UTC)
Screwfix! End of spotty oik stories!
I am sure you do this just to wind them up! I bet they run to the back of their shops everytime you go up the high street shouting,
"Look out! Its that really weird guy that keeps asking for stuff that isn't in shrinkwrapped packets and expecting us to know what he's on about! Isn't he from some weird branch of the Jehovah's carpenter guild?"
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